i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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