8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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