I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My vagina just clenched in fear
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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