I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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