You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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