Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
