Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
