The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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