So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
