Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
