Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You dont lie about slip and slides
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
