do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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