nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
