i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My feet surprised me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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