it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
