Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
