ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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