literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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