Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
