My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
