Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
