Can i not drive my cunt home
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
