i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
