where am i from again
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she pinky promised me she was 18
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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