I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
