remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's never too late to be topless.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
