Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
