I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
