i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
