Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
