So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
