I'm jealous of your bromance
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
