Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
