yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
