I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
