4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
