i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
