soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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