she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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