Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
and you fell through a lawn chair
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