I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
People in love make me want to vomit
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
