I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
