I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
