hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
