Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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