You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
