walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
