Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
