I love black thongs
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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