i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
